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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

What Does a Satisfied Friend Look Like?

Satisfied women make the best gal pals. Why? Mostly because they're not drama queens.

I've had a few drama queen friends. But as much as I may have loved these gals, I often felt as though I was little more than a lady in waiting to her majesty, not a partner in a genuine friendship.

When you're friends with a drama queen you soon learn that everything revolves around her, and you are simply there to do her bidding. Sure, she may do a good job of making you think you have a true friend and causing you to feel like you enjoy her company. In fact, drama queens are regal at manipulating their friendships so that they turn into unhealthy, co-dependent entanglements masqueraded as tight sisterhoods. Beware! She's masterful at convincing her subjects that she has their best interests at heart and that she even has special insight into their hearts and souls. Don't be duped. She'll never let you wear the crown or sit on the throne; and really, in a healthy relationship, there shouldn't even be a seat of prominence, should there?

In contrast, when you befriend a satisfied woman, you've got one half of a very healthy, warm, and mutually beneficial friendship in the making. It's simply up to you to bring the other half of the equation. So you want to be a satisfied woman, too.

Being a satisfied woman, one whose soul is consistently and abundantly fed by the gracious hand of God, will make you an enjoyable, healthy, and desirable friend.

A satisfied friend:

  • isn't threatened by other close relationships. When you go to lunch or share a family vacation with another friend, she doesn't react with jealousy and resentment.
  • promotes you, her friend, and not the friendship. A satisfied woman doesn't have to protect, promote, or guard the bond she shares with another woman. She holds the relationship loosely, giving space and freedom as needed. On the other hand, she does protect, promote, and encourage the woman she's in a relationship with. She speaks well of her, defends her if needed, and encourages her in her individual pursuits.
  • helps you be the best "you" you can be. She recognizes your unique qualities and doesn't try to make you more like her. 
  • encourages you as a mother, wife, daughter, in-law and employee. She doesn't foster bitterness, disrespect, or anger in those relationships, but encourages you toward godliness in each of them.
  • points you to the Lord and prioritizes your relationship with Him. Because she has received all her soul desires from her God, she genuinely and consistently encourages you to go to Him with your needs and desires as well.
  • is happy for you when you win, do well, receive an accolade, succeed, get a break, or receive a blessing. She may wish she were in your shoes, but she doesn't trip you up in order to climb into them! And she doesn't get angry or resentful because you're wearing them. She's genuinely happy for you.
  • consistently involves other people in your activities as friends. She doesn't try to keep you to herself, but widens the circle to include others who may be blessed by your mutual friendship.
  • is fun! She doesn't weigh the friendship down with arguments, pettiness, self-focus, gossip, critical talk, etc. Instead, she's a joy to be around.
Can you think of other attributes of a satisfied friend? Obviously, a satisfied friend is a good friend. She's the kind you want to spend time with, grow with, and invest in. And when you're a satisfied woman and you find another satisfied woman to share a friendship with, you'll be a part of a very satisfying relationship!

I'd love to hear your thoughts. What makes it hard to be a good friend, a satisfied friend? What do you do when you find yourself in a relationship with a not-so-satisfied friend, a very needy and demanding one?



  1. The most difficult of all relationships for me has been one of a 'girlfriend' friendship. It is a hard place to be, some have come and gone and some I just distance myself on purpose, at this point there is one good friend in my life now other than my husband. That is enough. (although I am always meeting new and wonderful people in the blog world and someday hope to see them)

    1. You're so right. Girl friend relationships can be very difficult to navigate. I pray that God always blesses you with at least one good, satisfied gal that you can confide in and enjoy!

  2. Such wise words, Kay. I can't take the drama and will clam up the minute it starts. I find it hard to be friends with someone who never shows any interest in my life. Every conversation revolves around them and their issues, and the only questions they ask are "What should I do about ___?" It's made me realize what a treasure it is when I find someone who is genuinely interested in me and what's going on in my life. Sad to say, they are few and far between. It's why I could never abandon my quiet time. So thankful for the Friend who sticks closer than a brother :)

    1. Yes, Susan, it is indeed a treasure when we find a friend who takes a genuine interest in us. And I couldn't agree more: Jesus is the dearest friend. Which, of course, is what being a satisfied woman is really all about.

  3. These are such wise words. Friends are a treasure, but I think we women do have natural, sinful tendencies towards dependency, jealousy, and manipulation! It's part of our fallen Eve nature.

    I think of myself as a satisfied friend, but sometimes I have to swallow down twinges of jealousy when my friends spend time with other women. I'm confronted by my fallen nature, but most times I step past it and lean closer towards my Dearest, Most Faithful Friend, Jesus!

    1. You are obviously a "satisfied friend!" When we find our primary friendship in Jesus Christ, we are freed up to be good friends to other women, too.


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