My heart was aching. I managed to stop the tears, so my makeup stayed in place. I had dressed myself in something comfortable, but professional at the beginning of the day, and I still looked pulled together. I walked into the store with my one and only Coach handbag dangling from my arm and my sunglasses perched on my head. I knew I looked like I had my game on, but my heart was aching.
And I was glad no one in the store knew about the lump in my throat, the heaviness in my chest or the tears waiting patiently behind my eyelids. I was thankful that I was able to speak clearly to the pharmacist and return the cashier's cheerful greeting. And as I walked through the exit doors toward my car, the fresh air reminded me that I had pulled it off...I had kept myself together...so no one would notice...
My heart was aching.
But deep inside, in the chambers that lie beneath the conscious desire to appear "okay," I ached to be understood. I longed for someone to touch me on the shoulder, turn me around to face them, lift my chin, cradle my cheeks in their tender hands and whisper, "I see your hurt...I hate it for you...is there anything I can do?" And then, more than anything in the world, I longed for someone to embrace me and hold on tight while I sobbed in their arms.
I was hiding my aching heart, but deep inside I longed for someone to notice.
And they did.
He notices your hurts and frustrations and fears and unfulfilled expectations today, too. He takes note of the hurtful words spoken to you like careless arrows aimed dangerously in your direction by someone who's not even thinking about you, but only themselves. He sees the way you've tried and tried and tried again to conquer, to achieve, and yet you've not. He sees how weary the climb has left you.
He notices the resolve turned to dismay, the joy sapped away, the hope dashed, the peace wrecked by more bad news. He sees it.
But more importantly, He sees you.
And oh, my dear, He loves you.
If you have been trying to hold it all together because, after all, you have little ones to feed, co-workers to meet with, a husband with his own worries, work to turn in, friends carrying their own burdens, and others who need you to carry on...I get that. I pray God will give you the grace to keep moving so that you may complete your holy assignment for this day and so that He may be glorified.
But aside from that...run to the One who notices. Give Him your burden. Unload it completely on Him. Tell Him every stinking, rotten, tearful detail. Fall into His arms and sob. He'll hold you and love on you and infuse you with a supernatural courage and fortitude to keep on going.
No one noticed? Trust me, He noticed.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” - Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30
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Labels: personal struggles, Seeking God, Walk with Me Wednesdays