It was over 20 years ago, but I remember the restless anxiety like it was yesterday. I sat back in our hand-me-down green recliner with my feet up and my pregnant belly weighing me down. Exhausted from unpacking boxes, these were the first minutes I'd had to sit down and rest since my husband had left the house to begin his new job that morning.
But even though my body begged to rest, my heart and mind were astir with doubt and anxiety.
Wasn't there something I was supposed to be doing as the new minister's wife?
What if I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing? What if I should be out meeting people, or at least on the phone introducing myself or maybe even organizing some sort of open house so folks could drop in and see what we had done with the gorgeous parsonage they'd supplied us?
My husband had just left for work an hour before and I was already wondering if I was doing the role of pastor's wife right!
I heard Shaunti Feldhahn, a popular writer and speaker on all things gender related, say once that men have a common concern among them: that someone is going to notice that they don't know what they're doing and they're not doing it right. Sure enough, I see how men could wonder that. Most men tie their identity tightly to their job performance after all.
But I believe many women harbour that same insecurity, whether it's related to a job or task or more tied to our relationships.
We wonder am I "doing it right?" in the areas of
- being a friend
- following Christ
- being a wife
- achieving our dreams
- engaging with or caring for our parents
- managing our time
- you name it!
Have you been wondering if you are doing something right? I have. Even roles I've been in for years have suddenly seemed like new territory to me as my nest has emptied and I've been left with extra time on my hands. And relationships, with all the evolving and growing and dying inherent to them, constantly force me to question if I'm playing the "right" role in them.
I've thought on this a little lately; prayed about it even more. And here's what I'd like to share with you today if you're struggling to "do something right."
First of all, God is not so concerned about you doing it right as He is interested in you being...being you, being His, being full of that which He alone can give, being joyful in His presence, being...with Him. He invites you to put down your anxieties over doing...and draw close to Him and just be.
He also wants to remind you (and me) that He takes joy in you. Just like you "love it" when your young child brings you "breakfast in bed," (with all the mess that involves!) He loves it when we do in His name...out of love for Him and to the least of these. But just as you love your child all the more when he or she just cuddles up to you, no soggy pancakes or burnt toast in sight, He loves for us to just sit with Him, settle into His strong arms, tell Him everything that's on our mind, pour out our heart, and laugh or cry with Him. Our doing is sweet (like burnt toast with jelly on it), but it's not what He craves from us at all.
Finally, whatever He has given you to do, He called you to do it for a reason. You may not do it the same way others would or the way others would tell you you should, but He already knows that. That's why He assigned the task, the relationship, the calling to you.
Sweetheart, go be who you are...in His presence, with His blessing. And go do the assignment He's given you with His joy, to His liking. You're doing it just fine. Feel His joy, feel His smile. Shoot, feel His laughter if you botch it up. And swim in His grace after all is said and done.
Do it with Him and you'll absolutely be doing it right.
Thanks for walking with me today so that I could speak some encouraging words into your weary heart.
Labels: Encouragement, Walk with Me Wednesdays